As far as I remember, I always had hard times saying no to people. Part of it because I always wanted to please everyone but mostly because I am a submissive type of person.
I would try to please my parents by accepting everything they wanted for me because it was for “my own good”, my friends because I wanted to be accepted by them.
My education made it worse because I was raised with the knowledge that saying no was not convenient and one should always be nice to people. Failing to do so was considered as rebellious, so I started being nice to everyone. The result was me turning unto a nice zombie, always pleasing people and forgetting about my own needs.
That made me lose sight of my desires or what I truly wanted because I spent so little time thinking about it.
According to Dr. Robert A Rohm Ph.D. book Positive Personality Profiles, the Supportive type ( that is me) is ” reserved, people-oriented individual will enjoy relationships, helping or supporting other people and working together as a team.” they are also : steady, stable, supportive, sweet (awww) but submissive and shy.
It’s the submissive part that is annoying because according to Dr. Rohm’s book, because of their lack of assertivity, submissive people tend to get into trouble because they cannot say no.
This can be a struggle when you are fighting between what you truly want and your desire to please others.
But nowadays, there are countless materials that can help you learn how to be assertive, confident and positive about yourself. It is very important to also learn how to work on your flaws in order to transform them into strenghts. It is exciting to get to know who you really are especially when you have been buried under shyness and low self-esteem.
It is ok to be different from others, to have different point of views, different tastes, different goals. In fact, this is what makes that world bearable : our own diversity.